I’d like to introduce myself as the new head coach of the Norwood High golf team. My name is Slava Heretz. I have been working with the Institute for 2 years now. Because this is my first true coaching job, “A Day in the Life” will hopefully be as much of a learning experience for me as it is for our readers.

So to start off, my first two days as a coach couldn’t have gone any better. The guys who made the team are all talented and eager to learn – a powerful combination. On the flip side, it was my first experience cutting players. It’s something that was difficult to do, but had to be done because of a fairly strict roster limit. Every single player that came out for the tryout knew how to play proper golf. That was why my number one piece of advice for the guys I cut was to not get discouraged and keep working at it for next season. I recall my junior year in high school I was cut from the golf team. All it did was push me to work my butt off for next year. I ended up starting varsity every single match. Hopefully these freshmen that weren’t quite ready for competitive play will take the same road as I did.

One of the biggest shortcomings in high school interscholastic sports is time. I feel that every player, no matter their physical condition, has potential to play great golf. All it takes is proper instruction and time. With that being said, it is very unfortunate that I only have one week before the first match to work with these kids. This is a nightmare for any coach, let alone a rookie with little experience. I realized that I have to completely ignore their swings and focus on something that is far more important and easier to implement in such short time – the mental side of the game. So in the coming week I will focus on mental preparation, strategy, and mistake recovery. I believe that these skills are vital in any sport, not just golf. One advantage I have over another beginner coach in this regard is that my players know and respect my ability to play the game. They will hopefully be more confident taking advice and be inspired to try to beat me.

Today, coaches are faced with dealing with parents who are heavily involved in their children's lives including the sports they play. While this is a stress point for coaches as the following article points out, coaches can deal with this challenge. First, have a coaching and team philosophy that is communicated early to parents in the season. I like to say, "communicate early and often with parents." Second, ensure your assistant coaches and players and the school/league's administrators are all on the same page with the stated team philosophies. Third, be patient and cool under fire!


Copyright 2007 Landmark Communications, Inc.
All Rights Reserved
The Virginian-Pilot(Norfolk, VA.)


August 15, 2007 Wednesday
The Virginian-Pilot Edition


SECTION: SPORTS; Pg. C1

HEADLINE: Pesky parents are way out of bounds

BYLINE: LARRY RUBAMA


Lew Johnston has fond memories from his 34 years of coaching high school football.

He remembers guiding Western Branch to the state semifinals in 2002.

He remembers coaching standout athletes such as Dre Bly and Vince Hall.

But he'll never forget the time - actually two times - when moms confronted him after a game in front of Western Branch players, coaches and fans.

"One happened at the beginning of my career and another at the end," said Johnston, who retired after the 2006 season. "And both dealt with parents having unrealistic expectations for their sons. And in both cases it was a mom who basically blasted me because they thought I did something to slight their son in terms of playing time and recognition.

"To be blasted like that in front of all those people was kind of embarrassing. But the bottom line is you can't be realistic with unrealistic people."

It's these kinds of parents who will keep athletic directors' phones ringing with complaints this school year. They make veteran coaches consider leaving the profession and young coaches question why they got in.

The inside joke at some schools is that a coach really hasn't arrived until he or she has dealt with the first major gripe from a parent.

"The newer coaches sometimes can't believe just how big of a deal it is," said John P. Williams, Ocean Lakes' athletic director. "Parents want to know why their daughter hasn't played or why their son hasn't gotten enough playing time. They just know that their child is better than anybody that you have on that field."

Former Granby basketball coach Lonnie Blow remembered dealing with such a parent at halftime.

Blow, who guided the Comets to a state title in 2000, was leaving the locker room for the start of the second half when his assistants pushed him back.

"All I could hear was this lady yelling and screaming, and all I could think was 'Whose mom is that yelling at me for not putting her son in the first half of the first game of the season?' " said Blow, now an assistant coach at Norfolk State. "Finally, I just said, 'I can't wait here anymore; I have to go out and coach.' "

Police officers and security personnel escorted the woman from the hallway.

Blow later found out the woman was upset because her son had been cut from the squad two weeks earlier. She reacted after seeing five or six players on the varsity who had played on the junior varsity with her son the previous year. She couldn't understand how they had made the team but her son had not.

"I had like seven kids coming back from the varsity team the previous year, so I couldn't put the whole JV team on varsity," Blow recalled. "But parents don't want to hear that."

Landstown basketball coach Dwight Robinson recalled a different episode with a parent who thought he was a hoops expert.

Robinson was talking with his players at a game a couple of years ago when he noticed one of his players spending more time looking in the stands at his father than listening to Robinson.

"I finally told the kid, 'If you look up there one more time, I'm going to make you sit up there the rest of the game,' " Robinson said. "And after the game, I told his father the same thing."

That player never looked up in the stands again.

How bad has it gotten?

Frank Smoll, a University of Washington psychology professor, said pushy parents have led coaches across the country to quit the profession.

"The theme for coaches is, 'I really love coaching and working with kids, but I can't handle what I have to deal with concerning parents,' " Smoll said.

He said the key source of conflict is disagreement over the abilities of the athlete - which translates into playing time.

As a co-author or editor of 13 books and manuals on athletics for youngsters, Smoll has made a specialty of helping parents and coaches understand one another.

Both need to work together to build positive partnerships, he said. They also need to be realistic about a child's abilities.

According to Smoll's research, nearly 60 percent of high school football and basketball players believe they will receive a college scholarship.

But less than 2 percent actually get one. And of more than 1 million high school football players, only 6 percent will compete at any NCAA level.

But try telling that to a parent.

"That's the biggest misconception out there," Ocean Lakes' Williams said. "Every kid that comes through our school, their parent will tell you that they were the best and that they are college bound for a full scholarship. And you better not do anything to screw up their chances."

It would be easy to blame it all on parents, but society has changed, said Carl Turner, whose son Casey is the star quarterback at Great Bridge and whose daughter, Mackenzie, plays field hockey for the Wildcats.

"My dad would have never even thought about talking to a coach about playing time or anything else," said Turner, who played football for Great Bridge from 1972 through '76. "That just wasn't the thing to do, but times have changed."

Turner has been heavily involved in his son's athletic career, almost to a point where others accuse him of being pushy.

"My wife sometimes says I push them, but my job as a parent is to prepare my child for the next level," said Turner, who played college football at Chowan and James Madison University.

"After I get them ready, I back up and enjoy the game. To me that's what parents need to do. You should prepare the kid for the sport, then just let the coaches coach. That's what they get paid to do."

How can it be fixed?

Maury boys basketball coach Jack Baker never will forget the phone call he received more than 20 years ago from a father who was upset that Baker had cut his son from the team.

"He called saying he wanted to settle it in the parking lot," said Baker, who has won nearly 600 games over the past 30-plus seasons.

Baker didn't settle the issue in the parking lot. Instead, he came up with a concept to meet with parents and athletes before the start of a season.

At these meetings, Baker goes over the responsibilities, expectations and goals of each player.

"We lay down how it's going to be," he said. "And we tell them, 'Don't call me about your son or daughter's playing time because that's not going to help.' We let them know that playing time will be decided by me and the assistant coach. So calling me and sounding off is not going to help the situation at all."

Former Norview and First Colonial athletic director Deb Rocke, now an assistant principal at Maury, said such meetings aren't fool-proof but are helpful.

"Everybody knows right up front what the expectations are for not only the parent but also the coach," Rocke said. "And I think that really helps in alleviating the trauma and drama because the parents know right from the beginning what to expect."

Ocean Lakes goes beyond the coach/parent meetings. The school offers workshops with titles such as "We want your support but not your involvement" and "I'm a parent, too."

In these workshops, coaches talk about how they welcome parent support but to leave it at that.

"I let parents know that I will listen to anything that they have to say about the welfare of their child," said Ocean Lakes football coach Jim Prince, who has been coaching for 37 years.

"But don't say, 'Why is my son not playing?' I've spent my whole life making these kinds of decisions, so I ask them to entrust their child to me and trust that I'm going to make the right decisions."

Whatever approach a parent decides to take, Salem coach Robert Jackson says parents shouldn't try to force the issue. Jackson guided the Sun Devils to a Beach District title last fall and came within one victory of making the Group AAA state championship. But he still had people questioning his decision-making.

"I tell my parents up front, I don't discuss playing time, and I don't discuss my philosophy," he said. "So you're not going to tell us who to play, and you're not going to tell us how to run the team. That's the kind of things you have to get straight in the beginning."

Jackson has advice for coaches, too:

"If you are honest and right by the kids and you run a clean program, then don't worry about them."

Larry Rubama, (757) 446-2273 [email protected]

tips for parents

Most high school coaches say the majority of the parents they deal with are supportive.

"Pesky parents are not the majority," said Robert Jackson, Salem's football coach. "You just have a few, and I'm sure every program deals with that one or two parents."

The National High School Athletic Coaches Association has tried to help with its parent code of conduct.

Five major points in the code:

1. Be a positive role model through your own actions to make sure your child has the best athletic experience possible.

2. Be a team fan, not a "my kid'' fan.

3. Weigh what your children say; they will tend to slant the truth to their advantage.

4. Don't instruct your children before or after a game -- it might conflict with the coach's plans and strategies.

5. If you as a parent have a concern, take time to talk with coaches in an appropriate manner, including time and place.

Below is a good articles summing up the good and bad associated with travel teams. While I am opposed to travel teams, especially for youth under the age of 14, this article does offer a balance between the costs and benefits of travel teams. You could use this as a catalyst with parents regarding the why behind their child's participation on a travel team.

Copyright 2007 The Hearst Corporation
All Rights Reserved
The Times Union (Albany, New York)


August 12, 2007 Sunday
3 EDITION


SECTION: LIFE-TODAY; Pg. G1

HEADLINE: AWAY GAMES;
FOR YOUNG ATHLETES, IS PARTICIPATION ON TRAVEL TEAMS WORTH IT?

BYLINE: BY JOYCE BASSETT STAFF WRITER


Buckle your seat belt if your child wants to compete on a travel team.

When snow is still flying, soccer teams head south to "elite" tournaments in Baltimore to get a jump on the outdoor season. Meanwhile, hockey teams play in western New York, eastern Massachusetts and Canada. Fencing has taken kids to Florida. And synchronized swimmers have flown to Hawaii.

Remember when "travel" meant a baseball team from Bethlehem would go all the way to Glens Falls?

Travel leagues let parents and coaches offer young, serious athletes a higher level of competition. But they cost more than just time.

Families often spend $300 a weekend for transportation, lodging and tournament fees. Lawns go unmowed. Houses are left messy. Husbands and wives pass each other in the driveway and may not see one another all weekend.

But parents say they wouldn't have it any other way. In a question posted to our Youth Sports blog, we asked readers, "Travel sports is it worth it?" The overwhelming response was: "Yes, but ..."

Here are their stories, along with advice learned on the road.

Dad David Wright accompanied daughter Casey, now 18, during her extensive travels as an AAU basketball player. From Ballston Spa, they attended basketball tournaments throughout the eastern U.S. with a core group of families for six years. Their run as a powerhouse team screeched to a halt when proms and other interests took over the girls' lives. At a team meeting, the families reached a consensus that enough was enough.

David's take: For Casey's team, the realization came the summer before her senior year in high school. "I knew the thrill of running the floor and leading fast breaks was gone. She was tired of shin splints, tired of falling asleep in the car with her foot in a cooler of ice, tired of not being able to lift her arm above her shoulder and always worried about spending any more time on crutches. She hated practice, because it got in the way of homework, and wanted to make money on the weekends now that she could drive. The one-time champs were losing badly, simply because they were outmanned, outgunned and out of time. They had grown up and left basketball behind. As adults, we had to accept that. It was time to plan that last team picnic, take some pictures and put it all in the memory books."

Casey's take: "Sometimes on a Friday night, I'd get upset that all my friends were making plans for the weekend. I started to regret not having a life like other teenagers outside of basketball. At the same time, if you love the sport enough, it is not a big sacrifice; you are happy playing. And you make friends forever."

The good: Casey traveled to New Zealand and Australia as part of the People to People basketball ambassadorship program in the summer before eighth grade.

The ugly: Various things led to the demise of Casey's AAU team. Some were choosing proms over tournaments; others were going to work or concentrating on other sports. And, for the first time, they were losing badly. Some were disappointed with the coaching, especially when the losses became frequent. "The best coach is the coach that plays your daughter," Wright said. Casey, a 6-foot-3-inch high school standout in basketball at Ballston Spa, always had her fair share of playing time. But Wright saw the lack of playing time hurting other travel families. To them, travel certainly wasn't worth it.

What Casey's doing today: She will attend the University at Albany. She was recruited and chose UAlbany for its public policy program and to play a Division I sport: volleyball, not basketball.

Todd Barnes of Port Ewen played travel hockey between the ages of 6 and 18. At the peak of his travel career, he was on the Adirondack Junior IceHawks and practices alone were a 200-mile round trip from the Newburgh area to Glens Falls. The key for Barnes was his family supporting his decision to play hockey at a high level. His dad would accompany him most of the time, but on weekends, his sister and mom would join them for tournaments and games.

Todd's take: "I stopped playing early in my senior year. I was just missing too much. But I have no regrets. I met a lot of people and made a lot of friends through hockey. I played with guys that are playing professional hockey. I think playing travel sports brings families together, because it is a great bonding experience between the family. My family is proud of what I've done in the past."

The good: Meeting Travis Roy during a tournament in Boston in 1998. Roy's hockey career ended when he was hit from behind and into the boards at Boston University. "He was a great motivational speaker," Barnes said. Barnes also has fond memories of playing knee hockey in hotel rooms with teammates.

What he's doing today: Barnes, 21, attended Hudson Valley Community College in Troy and played hockey there for a year. He is heading to Springfield College to major in exercise science and work in strengthening and conditioning.

Coach Donna Patterson (better-known by players and parents alike as D-Pat) of Bethlehem is like many parents of children in youth sports: She works a full-time job and is an assistant coach of a travel sports program. She also is on the board of the Bethlehem recreational softball program, runs the concession stand and organizes fundraisers. Patterson takes care of many of the fundraising activities for the Niskayuna Electric City Bombers, a team on which her daughter, Shelbie, 14, plays. She also stays in the dugout with the girls to handle everything from a knee scrape to an emotional breakdown.

This isn't new to her. She calls herself a softball brat, having played for many years as a teenager and throughout her adult life with various leagues under the guidance of her 69-year-old mom, who is still an adult women's coach.

Patterson's take: "My younger daughter does not understand why mom goes away for the weekends with her sister, but we try to make the most of the time when we come back. She and my husband will come and watch her sister play, but she has not hit the age of being interested in the sport yet. My husband loves to hear when we have won, and he tries to handle the moods when we have lost."

The ugly: The Bombers were riding high this season after winning a big tournament and qualifying for nationals. But the team couldn't survive injuries and other setbacks, and canceled a trip to the nationals in South Carolina. Despite a rough year, they are returning for Shelbie's under-16 season. Tryouts already are under way.

The good: "To have a positive effect on a child's future not only your own, but for all the girls you are involved with and pointing kids in the right direction is worth the tug of war. I have girls who come up to me and hug me, and one said she stuck with the game and tried out for school team the second year she played! Now isn't that worth it?"

Stephen Gatt, of Voorheesville, and his daughter Amanda, 12, are in their third year of travel softball. Stephen is the manager of Amanda's team, the Pine Bush Panthers girls softball team. This year the girls won the New York State Tournament and the Miss Shen Tournament, and finished ninth out of 24 in the Eastern Nationals in Pennsylvania.

Gatt's take: "It can be very stressful trying to keep players and parents happy, and it does take up a huge chunk of our life from early June to late July, but for us, this team is like a family. The coaches are close, the players become best friends and just about every parent is at every game." Stephen plans away tournaments carefully, making sure the children have time for swimming, pizza parties or cookouts.

He tries to keep the parents happy by negotiating for free breakfasts (even at hotels that don't ordinarily offer that as part of the room price). He also works hard to ensure everyone gets playing time in every game. "These players are all-stars," he said. "They aren't used to sitting on the bench."

Amanda's take: "I love going away with our family and playing in the pool and having fun." Mom Cheri and brother Ryan, 16, go to the games and Ryan even used some of his money from a summer job to help Amanda buy a new bat.

The good: "I don't think the girls would trade their June and July for anything else. It is like a summer sports camp that lasts six or seven weeks," Gatt said.